All Sorts of Celebrations.

Aunt Tracey had brown, shoulder-length hair, freckles, and beautiful eyes to match the beauty that poured out of her soul. She loved so well, and so freely. Last Monday, my parents and I attended her funeral...people gathered together to share in their sorrow. People gathered together to stare into the watery eyes of her loved ones and to embrace one another in this time of need. I think of 'Desert Song', when Brooke Fraser sings, "In all of my life, in every season, You are still God, I have a reason to sing, I have a reason to worship"....I hear this song in my head as I ask God...WHY? He tells me that it's okay to be upset and angry, because He too is upset and angry at death and injustice...but He also tells me that it isn't over--it's not over for Chris, Gracie, or Cole...it's not over for the students she taught or the teachers she taught with, it's not over for her parents, it's simply not over. He says that we still have a reason to sing and we still have a reason to worship. My mind transfers to the celebration aspect of this tough mourning...tough morning....and I smile as baby Landon stares up at me with the most concerned face, as if he knew something was wrong. I smile and sing along to Amazing Grace.

I turned 20 on Saturday. My father flew back to New Jersey a few days before to attend a funeral for his cousin Chip. My mother cooked breakfast and set up a table for all of my friends to sit at in the backyard to celebrate life. I recognize the continuous circle of death, life, death, and life again....Tracey, Landon, Chip....Me....

As my friends and I laugh and enjoy life while eating my mom's sally-jesse-raphael...(kind of like a french toast type dish...with cream cheese inside!) I think about how at this time in my life, these people are important to me and have influenced my life for the better. There were a few missing from the breakfast table, of course...but being surrounded by people who care for me and love me was wonderful.

It's been a while, I know. I'm sorry.

While sharing stories, I've been asked many times if I experienced culture shock while I was in Uganda. The obvious answer would be to say yes...but to tell you the truth, I've experienced it much more while being back in the States. I feel that Uganda was my home, and this is just a place that I am visiting. At times, I feel that it's a dream, and I will soon wake up there once again. I struggle daily with the fact that I've seen so much brokenness there, but that I am here, with no physical, tangible, way of being and helping to bring the change. I've recently realized a sense of anger in my heart towards God because of this. I feel as if He's opened up my heart to something so beautiful and taken it away so quickly. He's placed a passion for each child within my heart, and I now feel all alone, with no hand of action. Those were the shortest and most emotional two weeks of my life. Two weeks that don't compare to anything I've ever experienced. Two weeks I'd only trade to be able to spend a lifetime with them instead. I think the only reason that the anger that I've recognized within my heart has been forced to leave is because I truly do believe that God loves the children so much more than I ever could. God loves you more than I ever could, Nangobi. He was working before I met each of them, while I was there, and He will continue to work until He calls them home. He's working on the days that all I think about are those beautiful faces, and their sweet words, and on the days when my mind is filled with things that are of much less importance. All I did was show up. I asked Him to send me, I heard His call, and He was faithful.

Love floods my heart in place of the anger. I love and give thanks to God for allowing the children to be in my heart, for providing me with this unconditional and irreplaceable love that He, Himself has shown to me, so that I may pour it out upon others.

I feel that He's embedded this love inside of me for these children, and this deep desire to meet their needs, and share the love and message of Jesus Christ with them for more reasons than one. I will return. 

Nangobi, your picture causes tears to pour out from my eyes, but you are smiling. I hope you are smiling now. I hope you know that you're so dearly loved. God made you so beautiful.

smile

I was sitting at a stoplight yesterday & the car in front of me had about 29 bumperstickers on it. My favorite said:

"Smile, your mom chose life"

After acknowledging the humor, I realized how much this statement truly resonates with me. I was adopted as a baby. My birth mother chose life. Smile, your mom chose life too! 

This little one's mother chose life. She didn't choose death, but it was inevitable. He and his twin sister are just under a year old. I met them when I was visiting children in Uganda who live in the village...he's only one beautiful face out of so many who have been orphaned. 

Next step? That lollipop...right into my hair...

:)

My itunes was on surprise today and this song came on....I thought it was too good not to tell you about it...check it out!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Sw_8o85lFxA

I hope you're having a beautiful day!

Nangobi

I just recently returned from two weeks in Uganda. I spent time with children who have been orphaned by AIDS and taught them about the message and love of Jesus Christ. 

Meet Nangobi. She's 9 years old and is an orphan. She lives in Namugongo, Uganda, in a place known as "The Blue House" with all of her brothers and sisters. She's the most precious human being I've ever met. 

Words cannot describe the love that this little girl has shown to me or the ways that she's changed my life. A bond so strong, created in such a short amount of time. I miss her dearly and I'm already looking forward to the time in which we'll get to meet again, hopefully sooner rather than later. Let me know if you want to hear stories-I have plenty.

In preparation for the trip, I thought of the many ways that I had hoped to bring joy into the lives of the children. The irony of that thought makes me laugh...I think I'm the lucky one. 

To my family in Uganda, you're in my thoughts and prayers always.

So many beautiful children with stories to tell and smiles that make the world a warmer place. 

You are welcome!

Hello friends!

I’ve been thinking about creating this blog for quite some time now. I’m looking forward to being able to spew my heart and brains out on days that I feel like it…and being absolutely ridiculous on every other day, just because I can:)

Who knows if anyone will actually be reading this, but I think it’ll definitely feel good to get my thoughts out. I hope to use this blog as a place that I can call my own. A place where I can feel free to share things about life that make me smile and those that do the complete opposite. I hope my thoughts bring a new perspective, or affirm yours so that you know you're not alone. 

Thanks for reading!